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Communicate with Confidence - Part 3
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- now let's talk about discourse competence and as the term implies discourse is all about conversing having conversations that go smooth and flow
- and make you feel comfortable and make others feel comfortable many of my clients non-native speakers who have lived in the US for many years tell me
- that it's still challenging in a networking situation to know what to say how to say it and what's appropriate so let's look at some examples one of the
- most common areas of confusion is an expression like how's it going or what's up now this very much relates to your age young kids tend to say things like
- what's up and the answer might even be what's up I've often heard people say nothing so this is something that young people tend to use with each other but
- if you're into the workplace for example and somebody says how's it going you might say great thanks we tend to be optimistic even if we're having a bad
- day it's not always a genuine question inviting you to share your innermost feelings and some non-native speakers make the mistake of talking on about how
- they feel something like well I had an exam this morning I didn't get much sleep a hard time finishing it and then my mother called me this is generally
- not what's being asked it's simply a quick answer like I'm good how about you or I'm fine good is a little more common than fine you might run into common
- questions like this one did I catch you at a bad time this is someone's way of asking especially on the phone if you have time to talk now or later so that's
- really all you need to address you could say something like tomorrow at two would be better or no this is a good time I have about 10 minutes to talk to you you
- don't have to be forced to talk to them but you also don't need to just say yes or no you can set their expectations as to when you'd like to talk to them and
- how much time you have another question that can be challenging is how much does that cost in some cultures it's much more appropriate to ask about the cost
- of things in the u.s. typically asking people about high-ticket items like their house or their car is considered inappropriate whereas asking what they
- paid for their lunch at a certain place might be appropriate really depends on your environment you can listen to what other people do in your workplace
- but typically you want to steer away from asking the question and if someone asks you it's much more polite to say something a little more creative than I
- don't want to tell you a nice expression to use is I'd rather not say if you're being forced to give an answer to a question you don't want to answer or you
- could say actually there are a range of costs and you could research it on the web you can also say you could call for a quote and give them some number or
- information it's important to be polite so often if you say I don't really remember that could be genuine or not or you could give them some information
- about who to contact a safe expression again I'd rather not say is a nice way of saying no I'm not going to tell you without being confrontational or direct
- which is usually preferred another common question is can I borrow some money right you may run into this in any number of situations it's often too
- direct to say no and don't ask again it's usually better if you don't intend to loan the money to basically say something like I'm sorry I'd like to
- help you but I'm not able to doesn't mean that you're generally genuinely terribly sorry it's just simply a form of politeness to say I'm sorry I'd like
- to help but I can't it's generally not a good idea to say something like I really shouldn't and to give lengthy explanations as to why you don't have
- the money or don't want to help this can invite a confrontation so it's better to say something again like as much as I'd like to help I'm not in a position to do
- that that's a very polite phrase that tells the person you have the best of intentions but you're choosing not to help and not giving a lot of detail as
- to why but it's still polite again that expression is as much as I'd like to help I'm not in a position to it does imply that you don't have the money to
- do it but again it doesn't give too much detail you want to avoid getting into an emotional discussion with the person perhaps finding out more and more about
- why they need money and getting drawn in or sucked into the situation when you could simply say you're not in a position to loan the money or you're not
- comfortable doing so in general try not to blame people try to be polite it's usually better to worry about the relationship and not to focus on the
- specifics of or disagreeing with someone in a polite conversation the flow is all about asking questions and engaging in a
- comfortable carefree conversation how you can improve your conversations is really engaging in the more often attend networking events meet people take risks
- and go out there get up to speed on the current events so you have something to talk about don't take things personally sometimes people will ask a question
- that you feel is directed at you you may feel uncomfortable answering it it's usually better to laugh it off and give the person a second chance and make the
- assumption that you may have misunderstood them or that they're basically their intentions were good usually networking is all about a
- positive opportunity and where people can get into trouble is taking things personally or taking things in a negative way generally be positive ask
- questions reach outside your comfort zone if you are interested in improving your English specifically and pay attention to the language you use see if
- it's repetitive listen to what others are using and begin to employ it as you feel comfortable make sure that you understand again the expressions you're
- using in the connotations before you use them so as to avoid any kind of conflict situations or embarrassing situations I hope this information has been helpful
- to you and I look forward to seeing you in the next video